Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Day Special


AP, PITTSBURGH: Dave Wannstedt has officially announced his run at the Presidency. At his press conference Wanny was asked why he decided to run.
He responded,
"When I heard a lot of the country wanted a change, I decided
what a better change than a football coach running for president.
I figured I'm really not doing anything that could lose me a race.
I don't have any ties to the Ayers guy, and I don't have any ties
to the Bush guy. Therefore, there isn't really anything I'm doing to
lose the race. So I think I have a shot."
The reporter then questioned,
"Isn't that what got you into trouble coaching this year.
Against Bolwing Green you didn't really do anything to
risk losing, but you didn't do anything to win. And
you lost."

I do have to say I think the Stache has done a excellent job of adjusting his coaching style since that game and has done a great job of trying to attack the other team.

We also got a hold of some of the positions on Wanny's staff and who he has chosen to fill them with if he wins the Presidency:

PRESS SECRETARY:
LeSean McCoy- Does this guy ever not say the right things. He constantly has taken blame on himself following losses and poor games. After great games he credits the coaching, and says how much he loves playing for the Stache. And the thing about Shady is, he really means it. Those who are against the Stache presidency have been trying to dig dirt on the meaning behind the nickname of this key cabinet member.

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY:

Phil Bennett- This guy figured out how to control the Navy, something which his predecessor Paul Rhodes failed miserably at.

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
Scott McKillop: Obvious choice, this guy knows what the other side is doing before they do it. He is active and ready to strike when he needs to strike. He is patient and plays it slow when the situation dictates that. He just plain gets the job done.

DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY:
Nobody: Wanny says he still hasn't found anyone that he can successfully count on to defend the Home Turf.

DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE:
Dave Brytus: The senior spent a few years at Purdue so he has to have learned a little bit about farming. Even if not, he could serve as a valuable body guard with his mixed martial arts skills.

DEPARTMENT OF ENRGY:
Austin Ransom: If you want energy, look to the 5th year senior and special teams captain. Forget offshore drilling, forget nuclear power, forget windmills, forget alternative forms of energy. Ransom seems to already found an endless supply of it.

DEPARTMENT OF INTERIOR:
Rashaad Duncan: The big man owns the interior...nuff said.

CHIEF ECONOMIC ADVISOR:
Connor Lee: Currently enrolled in KATZ business school getting his MBA. Plus, all of his kicks are money.

DEPARTMENT OF SENIOR SERVICES:
Eric Thacther: It seems like this guy has been here for forever. Let's face it, he just looks old too.

OFFICE OF NATIONAL DRUG CONTROL POLICY:
Maurice Evans: Penn State University, maybe not a great choice here by the Stache. http://www.philly.com/dailynews/sports/20080905_Penn_State_suspends_three_players__dismisses_another.html




4 comments:

  1. great stuff...Wanny gets my vote!

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  2. If only the Mustache had stolen enough votes to save PA...

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  3. I wonder if President Obama would consider bringing David on board as a member of his cabinet... Maybe just bring him on for intimidation. I think he could keep Vladimir Putin in line

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  4. He definitely doesn't mess around. I bet he's even killed a couple dudes in his day.

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